Can you forgive? It is not easy. Anyway, you may not want to. It's simpler to hate.
Human beings often resist forgiving. Maybe it’s an evolutionary function, like protecting yourself against your enemies. After all, in ancient times, you rarely got a second chance. It’s not really hard to understand; in some situations it may be better to stay unforgiving, angry and wary. It’s safer that way.
Many of us just can’t help it; we harbor anger, hate, jealousy, and negativity—a plethora of poisonous feelings—like some nasty but prized possession. Look what he did to me! or I can’t believe that she left me for that stupid idiot! Divorce, along with many other hurts of this world, makes you acutely familiar with feeling like a victim. And, who wants to forgive when you know you’ve been wronged?
But, is toxic hate really a good thing?
There is power in not forgiving; you feel certain of your moral position and understand your place in the world. Many times we feel strength in hate. Yet, there may be more power in the project of forgiveness. It frees you by putting the lack of fairness of things into perspective and allows you to escape the past, while learning important lessons from it.
To forgive demands much inner strength; it’s not a simple act of faith. It’s a complex and beautiful form of psychological mending. (Faith may have a role but it is not required.)
The power and beauty of forgiveness is often overlooked. When you forgive another, you actually liberate yourself. To forgive is to allow peace between you and the other, and perhaps even more importantly, it can allow peace to reside within.
Our wonderful readers often give insightful and inspiring responses; in one such response a reader tells us of her personal journey towards forgiving.
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